Three on Tres
by Stuff3
Summary: Hueco Mundo is now ruled by the Tres Espada and her fraccion. But when a strange force has crept into their home Halibel sends her loyal fraccion to investigate. Apacci, Mila Rose and Sun Sun journey out to find three stone trolls who just want something to eat. When the groups of three encounter each other William, Tom and Bert only have one question "Can we eat them?"


Hueco mundo. Apacci, Mila Rose and Sun Sun were walking down the vast hallways of their palace. After Aizen's defeat they took up refuge at the old palace. As they walked together they argued as they always did.

"Do you ever shut up?!" Mila Rose shouted at Appacci

"She is still talking?" Sun Sun said

"Don't either of you ignore me!" Appaci shouted

"Why is she still talking?" Sun Sun said

"Your just jealous because I'm much prettier than you two!"

"Your too masculine to be considered pretty!" Mila Rose shouted to Apacci.

Then they all heard their names being called and they turned to see Tia standing behind them.

"Master Halibel" they bowed "Sorry if we were making a commotion! Did we disturb you?"

"No it's not that" Tia said "It's something else"

"Huh? What is it?" the three of them let out.

"I fell a strange presence in Hueco Mundo"

"A presence?" they questioned "Like a Menos Grande?"

"No" Tia responded "It's different, foreign to anything I've ever known. There are three of them"

"Oh I bet it's nothing" Mila Rose said

"After all you rule Hueco Mundo now, if they step out of line we'll take care of them" Appacci proclaimed

"That is exactly what I want you to do" Tia said getting their attention "Seek them out but only fight if provoked. Understood?" they nodded "They are somewhere in het desert, go now please" With that her three fraccion nodded and left the palace.

"Ah a mission for master Halibel. What an honor" Sun Sun said

"The worst part is I'm stuck with you two" Mila Rose snarled

"What did you say?!" Apacci shouted in their ears. The three then continued to bicker as they walked.

Meanwhile in the vast desert of Hueco Mundo a large troll named Tom strolled with a bag over his shoulder humming giddily to himself. Leaving large footprints in the sand as he walked he made his way back to the camp where his companions were. He saw light over the next dune and he walked over it and descended down to the source of the light. There he saw sitting by the fire two more trolls William and Bert who was stirring stew in the pot. The two of them looked up to Tom.

"Well well" William grumbled "Looks who's back"

"And not empty handed I suppose" Bert said with the ladle still in hand as they got up to go to Tom.

"Nope" Tom smiled as he brought the bag off his shoulder "Feast your eyes boys" he said as they all leaned in as Tom opened the sack. With wide eyes they stood in a circle and Tom opened the sack turned it upside down and emptied its contents in the ground. The hope in the two troll's eyes soon faded.

Rolling around before them on the ground were small animals, no bigger than their fingers. Not only were they incredibly small but each had a hole in it somewhere and a visible skull. The trolls were at a loss for words.

"What is it?" Bert finally asked

"Dinner!" Tom said proudly

"Aw look at em" William said pointing "They're the sick and weakly ones is what they are. See the bones, they wouldn't be a mouthful"

"Well there's no need to get picky" Tom said defensively. The three trolls continued looking down at the small strange animals.

"Well what do we do know?" Bert asked. There was a brief silence.

"I'll take care of this" William said bringing his foot up.

Mila Rose, Sun Sun and Apacci wondered through the desert

"I am much prettier than you" Apacci pointed at Mila Rose who shot back with a comment about her being to masculine. Since the two of them were arguing they started to fall behind Sun Sun who trekked on ahead and since she was not caught up in a argument she noticed light over the next sand dune.

"Look ahead" she told them. They snapped out of their argument to notice the light.

"That must be it" Apacci proclaimed

"Are you sure?" Mila Rose asked

"Who else could it be?" Sun Sun said.

"We should check it out to be safe" Apacci said. They nodded to each other went up to the sand dune and looked down at the light. As it turns out the source of the light was a fire, the only one for miles around and on top of that a small camp was made around it but at this point in time it was abandoned. "This doesn't look right" Apacci commented "Let's get a better look". The three of them went down to investigate the camp. They started around the fire and started poking around at everything in the camp. Mila Rose poked at the pot over the fire which was as big as she was.

"Who could use such a thing?" she asked aloud. Sun sun was looking at what seemed to be three seats around the fire.

"This is definitely who master Halibel was talking about" she said. As she saw three trails of large footprints leading away from the camp.

Apacci was a little off from the fire and was investigating three cups each one as big as her. She noticed the first two were empty but she leaned over to the third one and noticed something was still in it. Sniffing it she realized it was alcohol.

"Hey check this out" she called to them and they approached her "It smells good" Apacci said leaning into the cup.

"Be careful" Mila Rose said "You don't know what's in there"

"Oh relax" Apacci said leaning into the cup "it can't be that ba-" she was cut off as she fell accidently into the large cup. She shot out soughing and dripping wet as her companions laughed her "Shut up" she barked but they did not relent. Even though she repeated herself they did not listen. Then she heard something else. Large grumblings and footprints "Wait stop" she said "Listen" she said on alert. Taking her advice they listened in and they all heard the same thing. Deep voices getting louder and louder with deep stomps.

"Hide" Mila rose said and the two of them shot off over a sand dune and Apacci followed them, dragging the cup with her. They watched as three large figures appeared over the sand dune and took refuge in the camp, the first one looked annoyed and angry, the less tense, and the third held a spoon in his hand.

William, Tom and Bert returned to their camp in that order. William stormed in and looked at the sky.

"I told you" Tom pointed at his back "There's nothing here big enough to eat no matter how hard we look. Probably taste like mutton anyway, or chicken with Bert's cooking"

William just looked at the sky "I hate this place, why am I here!" he roared. Then he turned back to Tom "This is your fault, you're the one who gave us those directions" William said poking Tom in the chest.

"Hey don't blame me"

"I will blame you and I'll-"he cut himself off as they turned to see Bert looking away from them with an angry scowl across his face.

"What's got him?" Tom asked

"Hey!" William called out to Bert "What's with you?". Bert did not look at them; he just retained his scowl and pointed down with his finger. The two other trolls looked to see he was pointing towards two cups "So what?"

"One grog" Bert huffed as he pointed at one. Then he moved his finger over to another cup "Two grogs" he said before moving his finger to the ground next to that one "Where is my grog?

The two other trolls made their way over and looked down at the two cups.

"He's right" Tom said as William bent down and picked up a cup and sniffed it.

"Smells strange, fowl" William said.

"Who are you calling fowl!" a female voice shouted out and the three trolls darted their heads over to a samd dune. Bert roared, William snarled and Tom huffed as they marched over to the dune. Peeking their heads over they saw three women, and one grog.

Apacci, Mila Rose and Sun sun looked up at the three much bigger trolls with confused looks as the trolls glared down at them.

"What is it?" Tom and Sun Sun asked their groups at the same time "huh?" they let out "It?!" Bert then shifted his head over to Apacci who stood in front of a familiar object.

"Hey, that's my grog!" he roared at her.

Then the three women jumped up and over the trolls and landed back in their camp. The three of them stumbled around to face them with snarls.

"What are you doing here? This is master Halibels land" Sun Sun announced

"Who's that?" William asked

"No idea" Bert responded.

"Well you should know, she's the strongest most powerful warrior in existence!" Apacci ranted "This is her land and your trespassing so be prepared to-"

"Do you think we can eat them?" William pointed out casually and the fraccions responded with dropped jaws.

"I was thinking the same thing" Tom said licking his lips. The three trolls then stood up against the three women. William was in front of Mila Rose and Tom stood before Apacci but Bert shoved him out of the way.

"Hey" Tom whined

"Your mine little misses" Bert growled" Nobody touches my grog". Apacci only scoffed

Tom then paired off against Sun Sun. The three of them starred each other down.

"Well look at that" William said "Looks like it's three on three"

"Tres" Mila rose said.

"You know what that means" William said as he and Bert smiled

"Yep" Bert said while Tom counted on his fingers.

"We get two each!" he proclaimed with his arms in the air. Everyone snapped their heads to him wide eyes and confusion.

"He's joking right?" Mila rose said while William grunted.

"What the hell is he saying?" Apacci let out while Bert snorted.

"It seems you're quite the foolish one" Sun Sun said to Tom "Maybe even dumber than Apache here"

"What the hell did you just say?!" Apacci called out to Sun Sun

"Just stating a fact" he replied calmly. Apacci then started ranting on her fellow fraccion member while Mila Rose tried to break it up but ended up getting caught in the middle. All the while the three trolls stood by each other's side with confused looks as the three women fought.

"We don't do that do we?" Tom asked

"Shut up" Bert said as he reached over and hit him in the head with hid ladle.

"Let's get em!" William roared.

"Huh?" the three women let out as they were at each other's throats.

William then lunged forward at them, snatching up Mila Rose and Sun Sun in his hands. The two struggled to get out but couldn't escape his grip. Apacci quickly darted between his legs only to see Tom standing before her. He brought his foot up and tried to stomp down on her. But she jumped out of the way and then punched him in the foot. Shrieking Tom brought his foot up and whined in pain as he hopped around. Apacci then jumped up and kicked Tom in the face sending him tumbling in the sand on his back. Apacci then turned back to see Mila Rose and Sun Sun still struggling and failing to escape Williams grip.

"Alright" she panted "I'll have to take care of this myself!" she shouted unsheathing her sword. But then suddenly everything went black as a cylinder was slammed over her. Bert cackled as he slammed his grog down trapping her in it. Then he brought his right foot up and rested it on the top to prevent her from lifting it.

"Well little misses" he cackled "that's what you get". William turned around to him as he held the other two in his hands.

"These two are fussy" he said "Wonder if that means they'll taste spicy?" Tom then picked his head up out of the sand and shook his head.

"Is it dinnertime yet?"

"Shut up!" Bert roared as he hit Tom in the head with the ladle.

Mila Rose, Sun Sun and Apacci were all tied up over a fire. William dropped more logs onto the fire to keep it burning; Tom sat down, twiddled his fingers and waited eagerly for his meal. Bert stood next to Apacci and started poking her with his large finger.

"Hope you taste good little misses, maybe some seasoning to help with the taste" Apache spit in his face. Bert then casually brought his hand up and flicked her with his much larger fingers causing her to cough up blood. "Lots of fight in ya, maybe I'll have a drink and fill my grog with your blood" he laughed softly as he walked off.

He then took to wheel over the fire as William took hold of the other side. They both then started turning the wheel and the fraccion with it.

"Oh just you wait, we'll summon Ayon here and he'll take you down!" Apacci shouted to them

"aahhh sounds like desert" Bert let out as William and Tom laughed.

"We don't need Ayon, someone else will save us" Mila rose said

"And whose that?" William asked casually as he turned the wheel.

"Me" a new voice called out to them. Turning their heads the trolls looked over to a nearby sand dune to see a new woman "I am Tia Halibel"

"Master Halibel!" her fraccion called out. Halibel raised her arm at the trolls who grunted at her. Tom was closest to her and he now stood up to face her as William and Bert let go of the wheel.

"Your all done for now" Apacci smirked to the trolls.

"Shut up" Bert said as he swung the wheel around and them with it.

"Does this mean we each get two each now?" Tom asked. Then without moments warning Tia unleashed a wave of water upon them. Tom being the closest was caught first followed by William and Bert. Their fire and camp was swept away in the violent waves and the trolls along with it.

Now free from their bonds the three fraccion members lay drenched in the sand as Tia walked over to them.

"Are you alright?" she asked. The three of them then stumbled to their feet praising her and apologizing for not serving her well enough. "Do not worry yourselves; I had a felling these would be forces we did not understand. But that is over now, come" she said turning away "Let us go". Tia walked off with her fraccion behind her.

Farther off from them, drenched from the water and in the middle of the ruins of their camp were the three trolls. Groaning they slowly picked themselves up. Fighting a large rag over his torso William ripped it off and huffed violently as he sat in the sand. Bert then picked himself up and looked down at the pot over his foot. Then reaching behind himself he grunted and pulled something out. He gasped as he saw his ladle bent in half. Tom then brought himself up between the two.

"Well that was something" William commented

"Aye" Bert agreed.

"Fellas I think that um" Tom said taking a deep breathe "That I-"he gasped "I" he took another deep breathe and then let out a loud sneeze sending snot onto his companions who tried covering themselves with their arms although they were unsuccessful "Sorry" he apologized but Bert only snapped his foot and flung the pot off and hit Tom in the face. As Tom whined on the ground Bert and William brought themselves up and looked at the destruction.

"Well that settles that" William said scratching himself

"I say we head out and make camp elsewhere" Bert said. They then ravaged their campsite to take what they could as Tom picked himself up.

"You know I was trying to say, I think all that water gave me a" he huffed" a" he huffed more" a" Tom gasped and then sneezed again onto the ground leaving snot in the sand. "I think I got a cold" he finally said. Tom then joined his companions in picking up their mostly stolen goods. William shuffled chests of gold into a bag, a few elfish blades were among them but he considered them toothpicks. Bert noticed a cup buried halfway in the sand and he picked it and gazed upon it. Tom put gold in their pot and let out a sneeze which caused him to let go of the pot and have it land on his foot. He let out a shriek and cringed which caused him to look down. Among the gold in the pot was a cloth. Picking it up he looked it over and he felt another sneeze coming on. He brought the cloth to his nose and it caught his snot. Smiling he placed it on his belt picked up the pot of gold and walked alongside the other trolls.

"Let's get outta here" William said as they trekked on.

"So what do you think that was?" Tom asked

"A wizard probably" Bert said

"Wizard?! HA!" William scoffed "I've had enough of wizards, let's hope we don't run into anymore and that we don't run out of night, I don't fancy being turned to stone"

Tia and her fraccion would go on to live in Hueco Mundo until the Vandenreich arrive. As for the trolls they would go on to meet a group of dwarves, another "wizard" and of course a certain Burglar Hobbit. Naturally they tried to eat them.

**Not****e: I enjoyed the trolls in The Hobbit so much I thought I'd write a crossover with them. i hope you all enjoyed it, please leave comments/reviews**.


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